<p>本文引用自<a href="http://regulusab.pixnet.net/blog/post/34593855">regulusab - 轉貼/我為什麼結束與合一運動的關系(反思文章)
On many deeksha websites there are articles by Christian Opitz. Christian is a neuroscientist and has done a lot of research into neurobiology and its link to spirituality and enlightenment. Christian used to be on Oneness Univeristy’s/Bhagavan’s board of advisors.
Many in the Oneness Movement are quoting Christian and his articles in order to promote deeksha and prove that Bhagavan and his teaching is totally trustworthy and authentic.
As Christian is no more in the Oneness Movement, he doesn’t endorse Bhagavan’s ideas and promises nowadays, whatever might be written in the articles before (“Deeksha and the brain” etc.).
Why I ended my Involvement with the Oneness Movement
by Christian Opitz- 04 November, 2007
合一運動最成問題的是它持續培養人們的幻相，而不是服務於將其追隨者們從幻相中解放出來。2004年，重大的承諾是到2012年每一個參與的人和整個事件都將開悟。當第一次巨大的失望之浪沖擊到合一運動的岸邊，曾有一些道歉，它簡單地說開悟需要更長一點的時間。全世界到2012年開悟仍然被完全承諾，對到2008年所有的政治沖突將消除以及其它幻想的許諾還是被公開陳述。在那些沒有完全被這些允諾驚駭(此譯文可能不准“ In those who were not downright appalled by these promises”)的人們當中，通常最不成熟的尋求安慰、尋求某種安全感和希望感的模式被觸發並被滋養。難道靈性不是要面對現實嗎——包括接受生活和世界的相對現實？…..
真 正的法不試圖寬慰人們的恐懼和脆弱易損，而是讓他們覺醒到一種意識——脆弱易損不再是問題。人的生命就是脆弱的，如果我們作為人類要成長，面對這個是最重 要的，更別說那才叫靈性了。合一運動熱衷於給人們一種感覺良好的訊息，然後當他們發現在現實生活中它沒有用時就不管他們了。
合一運動反複灌輸給人們的根本幻相是，有了Deeksha你就在一個不同的聯盟裏運作了。無論是關於無需努力即可開悟、讓你所有的渴望都被滿足——就像在2005年的phala Deeksha所許諾的，還是最近聲稱的Deeksha給予者現在被賦予了施展奇跡的能力。還有，通過Deeksha原本還屬於烏托邦的變成了現實的念頭一直是被鼓勵的。但事實並非 如此。Deeksha給予者們與每個人一樣有生活的掙紮。與任何其他靈性追尋者一樣，Deeksha給予者們靈性成長的程度取決於他們能夠放下幻相、真實地了解現實存在的 程度。根據他們是否有天賦和職業道德等他們也有成功與失敗。像每一個其他的人一樣，Deeksha給予者們也會遭遇生活的起伏、業力和所有的東西。
In 2004, so many Western deeksha givers reported the enormous peak experiences that were common then in Golden City. In early 2005 when I did the 21 day course, these experiences no longer occurred. We were told that Bhagavan had decided to no longer “give” them, because they were distracting from true enlightenment. Sounded very reasonable. All of this fostered the myth that Bhagvan has the ability to simply switch on and off such effects of deeksha, that he could influence a person’s consciousness to a degree that seemed unheard of.
From all I know now, it seems clear that in 2004, there was a psychedelic substance used in an herbal preparation that was given to participants in the courses, which really caused many if not most of the peak experiences. Before this preparation called leyham was introduced, no peak experienced occurred in early 2004 in a course where participants were promised enlightenment in five days. Wanting to appease the disappointed folks, Bhagavan invited everybody for another free course. This time leyham was given for the first time and people had incredible experiences of cosmic oneness, blood-boiling love etc. These usually occurred after taking leyham. Whatever this stuff was, it also caused severe nausea and vomiting.
But the Ayurveda experts that I have asked told me in unison that leyham is about as gentle as it gets, it is given to babies shortly after birth. Whatever they gave to people in Golden City was not traditional leyham. Nausea and vomiting are known reactions to alkaloids with psychedelic properties. Some people could not handle the leyham and had pyschotic episodes, even after leaving Golden City, they had screaming fits at the airport, which almost caused problems for the OM with the police. I know this from first hand reports from several people who were there. In 2005, when Bhagavan did no longer “give” peak experiences, we were told that some people had gone into such high samadhis [trance states], they had been dysfunctional at the airport. Simply not true. The people who had psychotic episodes were accompanied to the airport to get them on the plane without causing trouble. After that, they received no help, no support from the OM and their stories where changed into another PR pitch that helped to foster the myth of Bhagavan’s ability to just give people incredible high states of consciousness. Some people believe drugs can help to open doors in consciousness, others believe they cause more harm than good. But even the strongest supporters of psychdelics I have met ... agree that to give drugs to people without their consent and then to claim that the experiences were due to the grace of a master is a serious breach of integrity.
A more recent manifestation of manipulation by the OM, one that prompted me to leave this movement for good, are the changes of the term deeksha to oneness blessing and the change of the message towards prosperity and success. We were told that there were problems with the term deeksha in the Western world, that many people thought it was a cult because of this term. I have never found this to be true. Countless people believe the OM is a cult because of the prices they charge, if THAT was changed, the OM would really do something for its reputation. In three years of hanging out around the OM, I have never heard one complaint about a sanskrit term.
When Anandagiri came to Italy in May of this year, his new message was to not be so overly spiritual and to embrace prosperity. Deeksha is supposed to help people with success in life and deeksha givers should make their presentations more about success in the world. The reason he gave for these rather dramatic changes was that they found too many people were holding on to ideas of renunciation for spirituality. He literally said that most Westeners believe they have to live like Ramana in a loincloth to be spiritual.
Have you ever met a person, let alone many, who really believe in severe austerities? This is the West, the home of blatant materialism. The spiritual subculture of the West has for the longest time advocated a balance of spirituality and material life. That people believe they have to renounce everything to the loincloth level to be spriritual is largely an old cliché. Besides, deeksha is in no way a reliable means to enhance a person’s chances for success. People involved with deeksha for a long time enjoy success and suffer failures like everybody else, there are no special boons through deeksha. Of course there are many stories of such special boons, but have they ever happened to you? The OM often solicites testimonials from people shortly after their first trip to Golden City, during a honeymoon phase. Many people who initially had fantastic things to report about deeksha would not give such glowing testimonials two or three years later.
The real reason for both these changes, the change of the message to success and the term deeksha to oneness blessing has a completely different reason that the OM apparently does not want to tell people openly. Tony Robbins demanded these changes of the OM and agreed to bring all his famous friends and clients into the OM if they follow his directive. The dasas were obviously coached by Tony Robbins, at a recent course in Golden City, they sounded like Western-style success coaches. Great idea, take a bunch of monks who took vows of renunciation as teenagers and let them deliver a message of success in the world…but I am digressing. So the OM is obviously willing to simply change what they tell people, because a famous person promises them more famous people to join. This sounds like a politician campaigning, not like a spiritual movement. At least they should have the honesty to tell people, “hey, we thought it was a great idea for Tony Robbins to decide our message.” But no, they decided to give some reasons they simply made up, pretending to address real problems with these changes.
Is it worth it? Is the limelight of fame, the endorsement of celebrities really worth the discarding of any principle of integrity and honesty?
西方最受歡迎的精神領袖之一是Brother David Steindl-Rast——本尼迪克特教團的一位僧侶。他的人性和愛以及簡單卻深刻的感恩訊息觸動了無數人。我所遇到的現代西方亞文化群中的大多數人對天主教堂及其信條當然都持有批評性觀點，但是會同意說Brother David——不管他是不是天主教徒——是一位有著高度進化了的意識的真實的人。在他身上，人們最可能的是將他覺醒的程度歸因於他成長的努力和他對其道途和修習的獻身，因為看上去教皇或天主教堂的聖事和教義就是不可能帶來如此的靈性覺醒。
One of the most popular Western spiritual leaders is Brother David Steindl-Rast, a monk of the Benediktine order. His humility and love and simple but profound message of gratitude has touched countless people. Most folks that I have met in the modern Western subculture certainly have a very critical opinion of the Catholic Church and its dogmas, but would agree that Brother David, catholic or not, is a genuine man with a highly evolved consciousness. In his case, people would most likely attribute his level of awakeness to him, to his effort to grow, his dedication to his path and practices, because it just seems unlikely that the pope or the sacraments and dogmas of the Catholic Church would have brought forth such spiritual awakeness.
當好事情發生在合一運動裏的人們身上時，最常見的解釋是這些變化或突破是由於Deeksha和恩典。大多數合一運動人士不會用與他們解釋Brother David的 相同的方式去解釋一位Deeksha給予者或接收者的高度覺醒。我們西方人能夠輕易看透天主教堂的局限性，但是一位來自印度的神的化身是如此地吸引人，以至於我們傾向於使用不同的標準。如果在一座天主教堂裏某人同聖母瑪利亞的雕像講話，並威脅說如果她不與他說話就自殺的話，我們會認為他有神經病並假設他有些嚴重的與母親的問題需要解決。但是當有人在恒河岸邊的Dakshineshwar廟的迦梨女神跟前那樣做時，我們就叫他拉馬克裏希那並認為他是一位神的化身。
When good things happen to people in the OM, the most common interpretation is that these changes or breakthroughs are due to deeksha, to grace. Most OM-folks would not interpret a high level of awakness in a deeksha giver or receiver the same way they would interpret it in Brother David. We Westeners can easily see through the limitations of the Catholic Church, but an avatar from India is just so intriguing that we tend to apply different standards. If someone would talk to a statue of Mary in a catholic church, threatening suicide if she does not talk to him, we would call the proverbial men in the white coats and assume he has some serious mommy issues to work out. But when someone does that in Dakshineshwar on the banks of the Ganges in front of a Kali statue, we call him Ramakrishna and think he is an avatar.
有多少人在他們參與合一運動期間成長了——有時通過非凡的意識的飛躍？肯定有。 有任何證據說明這更多地是與Deeksha有關，而不是他們自身的奉獻、意願或其他個人品質嗎？我不認為有。合一運動中的人們的靈性成長決不超過人們，通過曆代傳承的健康的自我努力所獲得的。Deeksha至多可以作為致力於自身的人們的一種支持。合一運動也令無數人失望，而且這似乎總是在當它被抬高到一個只會失敗的水平上時發生。當然努力有時也可能是非常以自我為基礎的，並包含著掙扎的成分。偶爾伴隨著“你什麼也不能做”的教導也能有所幫助。但是努力並不是全都得基於掙扎。 合一運動總是給人們一種沒有自主權的訊息。當好事發生時，那歸因於恩典，因為你無論如何什麼也不能做。當失望存在時，它只是更加顯示你沒有什麼可以做的。就在最近，一名dasa再次在互聯網聊天時分享了這樣的訊息——“消除自我是阿瑪巴關的工作，你能做什麼呢？”是啊，阿瑪巴關能做什麼呢？看上去沒有太多。我寧願鼓勵人們用他們自己的覺知去碰碰運氣。
Have many people grown during their time in the OM, sometimes through remarkable leaps of consciousness? Yes absolutely. Is there any proof that this had more to do with deeksha than with their own dedication, willingness or other peronal qualities? I don’t think so. Spiritual growth for people in the OM in no way exceeds what people have attained through healthy self-effort through the ages. Deeksha at best can be a support for people who apply themselves. The OM has also left countless people disappointed, and this seems to always occur when expectations of deeksha are raised to a level where deeksha will simply fail. Of course effort can be sometimes very ego-based and contain elements of struggle. Occasionally teachings along the lines of “there is nothing you can do” can help. But effort does not at all have to be based in struggle. The OM has always given people a disempowering message. When good things happen, it is due to grace because you cannot do anything anyway. When there is disappointment, it just shows you even more that there is nothing you can do. Just recently, a dasa again shared the message in an internet chat of “dissolving the ego is AmmaBhagavan’s job, what could you do about it?” Well, what can AmmaBhagavan do about it? Nothing much it seems. I would rather enourage people to take their chances with their own awareness.
If we assume hypothetically that an experiment would be conducted where one group of people was put on a balanced program of spiritual practices and another group was simply given deeksha regularly, what would happen? If after three years, the changes in people’s lives where assessed, which group would have enjoyed more benefits? Three years ago, I believed the myth of the OM and would have said the deeksha group would be much better of. Today I believe the smart money would be on the group that is doing the practices. Deeksha, prayer, transmissions of grace can help along the path. But fundamentally, we walk the path and will proceed according to how deeply we apply ourselves. In my opinion, this is the sober, liberating truth. This kind of “old-school” spiritual approach has stood the test of time. Whether or not the OM will be more than an afterthought in a few years remains to be seen. For myself, I would no longer invest my hopes into deeksha or the faint hope that the glorious promises of the OM will come true one day. And I do believe that by 2013, when there is no grand awakening, this movement will fade.
I have been wrong before and I can be wrong this time of course. These are just my current viewpoints, of course subjecive and colored by my lenses. Decide for yourself. All the best to anyone who reads this and may all beings be happy!
Primary Missionary Freddy Nielsen's Scathing Revelations
編輯：Timothy Conway博士, 2008年4月
2006年早期，非常戲劇化的新聞傳出來——巴關長期的主要外國使者及招募人、早期一本關於巴關和他的合一運動的書的作者，福萊迪.尼爾森離開了金色之城/合一運動，顯然是被巴關周圍的一些人所迫。 2006年3月福萊迪在他的網站上刊登了兩篇關於他為何離開的文章（www.livinginjoy.com/en/news/2579 and www.livinginjoy.com/en/news/2609）。這些文章顯示當時年輕的福萊迪仍然在相當程度上是個“真正的信任者”，仍然熱愛著巴關和阿瑪的“偉大”，把他的離開僅僅歸因於巴關和阿瑪周圍的內層圈子和組織的“冷酷”和機能障礙。他說：“……Deeksha運動的樂趣越來越少，規則、誤解、內耗越來越多，奇怪的事情越來越多。
In early 2006, the rather dramatic news came that Freddy Nielsen, VK / Bhagavan Kalki's longtime chief foreign emissary and recruiter, an author of an early book on Kalki and the cult, had left the Golden City / Oneness Movement,apparently forced out by certain O.M. personnel around Kalki. At Freddy's website in March 2006 he posted two pieces on why he left. (See www.livinginjoy.com/en/news/2579 and www.livinginjoy.com/en/news/2609.) These entries show young Freddy to still be very much a "true believer," still enamored of Bhagavan and Amma's "greatness," and attributing the reasons for his leaving only to the "coldness" and dysfunctionality of the inner circle and organization around "A&B" (Amma and Bhagavan): "...the Diksha Movement is less and less fun, more and more rules, misunderstandings, inner fights and an ever growing number of strange things."
By 2007 Freddy was obviously feeling much more free to report on his real feelings, long suppressed and heavily rationalized, about the dysfunctionality of Bhagavan, Amma and their big movement. From this prime missionary for Bhagavan and the Kalki Deeksha / Oneness Movement has come a cogent and lengthy revelation (30-40 pages when printed). In Freddy Nielsen's report, we hear a bizarre tale of corruption, dishonesty, manipulation, opportunism, and not just "folly à deux," but massive foolishness involving dozens, then hundreds, then many thousands of people.
* * *We present here the most salient excerpts from Freddy Nielsen's revelations. I have chosen an order for the excerpts to best give a sense of the historical unfolding of the movement.
Questions about the history of the Oneness Movement, Bhagavan and the dasas--answered by Freddy Nielsen (updated July 6, 2007)
在我還在運動中的早期幾年（即1980年代末期和1990年代初期）巴關至少改了九次名字。我知道的幾個名字是：帕拉瑪查亞Paramacharya（意為超級導師）、巴關（意為上帝）、艾師瓦拉穆提（意為上帝的化身）、艾師瓦拉.巴關、穆克提師瓦.巴關（自由之神）、錫呂. 錫呂.巴關、卡爾奇.巴關(卡爾奇是傳統上預言的即將到來的印度教三神一體中的“維系者”毗瑟奴的化身)、卡爾奇、錫呂.巴 關。他還請我為他找一個在俄文裏意思是天堂之父的名字，我們就在一年多的時間裏叫他“柴鮑斯”或“柴鮑斯上帝之神”。我不敢用瑞典語這麼做，因為那樣會使很多瑞典人認為我們的運動是一個宗教教派，而且巴關曾指示我要非常小心以免我們被標上教派的標簽，因為一旦如此這種名聲就很難再被洗清。
Bhagavan changed his name at least nine times the first few years I was in the Movement [i.e., late 1980s to early 1990s]. The nine different names that I know of are: Paramacharya [Supreme Teacher], Bhagavan [Lord], Ishwaramurti [Form of God], Ishwara Bhagavan, Mukteeshwar [Lord of Liberation] Bhagavan, Sri Sri Bhagavan, Kalki Bhagavan, Kalki, Sri Bhagavan. He also asked me to find a name for him that would mean the Heavenly Father in Russian language, and we called him Tsebaoth (or Lord God Tsebaoth) for more than a year. I did not dare to do that in Sweden as that would have made many Swedes call our Movement a sect; and Bhagavan had instructed me to be very careful lest we get the sect label, which will be hard to remove once we have gotten such reputation.
He changed teaching and approach regularly. For some time his teaching was very similar to Christianity, with repentance, sinful nature, confession. Suddenly that was changed and the course looked much like a workshop in psychology and cleansing of psychological traumas. During a 7-days residential “psychology” course in 1992 in Jeevashram, Bhagavan decided in the morning that all psychology should be removed and now the focus should be on devotion to him. We had to change the entire course in the middle of it and the participants were rather shocked at such sudden and radical change. Bhagavan’s new message was: the more psychology and cleansing of blocks, the more shallow the results will be. A 180 degree turn....
[Q: Has Bhagavan ever changed the name of his Movement also?]
Freddy: Many times. In 1990, when I read the brochure describing their first ever course that was open for the general public, the Ashram was called “God’s Earth”. The course was called “Anugraha,” meaning Grace in Sanskrit. I remember I did not like the name “God’s Earth,” it sounded like a sectarian name. I asked why it was called God’s Earth. I was told that Bhagavan will give enlightenment to mankind, everyone will be like a Jesus or a Buddha. This will make man innocent again, and the world will once again return to the simplicity that is described in the story of Adam and Eve. Bhagavan was against the destructive modern civilization. In 1992 the Movement was called “The Temple of God.” Soon it was changed to “The Temple of the Light.” After some months it became “The Temple of Sri Sri Bhagavan.” I think I have even lost track of all the versions of these names. In 1997, [a leading disciple,] Anandagiri referred to this Movement as “The Foundation for World Awakening.” For a short while, probably around 2000 it was called “Living in Joy Foundation.” Soon that became Golden Age Foundation, and Bhagavan asked me to call the Movement by that name everywhere, as it had the right energy. It would speed up the coming of the Golden Age, the Kingdom of Heaven on Earth. For many years it was popularly called the Kalki Movement as Kalki kept on changing the names, and it was pretty confusing for the followers. When Bhagavan found out that there are more than 300 gurus in India calling themselves Kalki, and one can go to prison by claiming to be Kalki, he became very cautious and tried to make it known that he never wanted to be called Kalki, it was forced on him, people refused to call him any other name even if he protested. Until he found out that one could go to prison for having the name Kalki, he never protested, that is a fact. Even his brother Ramesh called him Kalki, as did I for many years. Ramesh published tens of Kalki Bhajans cassettes (devotional music in praise of Kalki), and the company owned by Bhagavan and/or his son which published the cassettes, was called “Kalki Publishing house”. The trust to whom we donated money was for a long time called “Kalki Trust”, that was active until at least 2004.
福 萊迪：很多次。1990年，當我閱讀那本描述他們對公眾開放的第一個課程的宣傳小冊子時，那個場所（後譯為道場）被稱為“神的土地”，那個課程被稱作 “Anugraha”，是梵文“恩典”的意思。我記得我不喜歡“神的土地”這個名字，它像一個教派的名字。我問了為什麼取這麼個名字。我被告知因為巴關將把開悟給予人類，每個人都將像耶穌或佛陀一樣。這將使人類重歸無辜，世界重歸單純，就像亞當和夏娃的故事所描述的一樣。巴關是反對毀滅性的現代文明的。 1992年，運動改名為“神的廟宇”。不久它又改成“光的廟宇”。幾個月後，又變成了“錫呂。錫呂。巴關的廟宇”。我想我甚至已經無法記起這些名字的全部版本了。1997年，阿南德基裏（一個主要弟子）管這個運動叫做“世界覺醒基金會”。還有一小段時間，大概在2000年，它被稱為“活在喜悅中基金會”。 之後不久變成了“黃金時代基金會”，並且巴關讓我到處都用那個名字，因為它具有正確的能量。它將使黃金時代——地球的天堂王朝——加速到來。有很多年它被很多人成為“卡爾奇運動”，因為卡爾奇不停地改變它的稱號，對於追隨者們來說非常令人困惑。當巴關發現在印度有300多個“大師”自稱是“卡爾奇”，並且這樣自封的人可能被送進監獄時，他變得非常謹慎，努力讓人知道：他從沒有主動想被稱為“卡爾奇”，它是人們強加給他的，盡管他反對但人們拒絕用任何其他名字稱呼他。在他發現用“卡爾奇”的名字可能使人入獄之前，他從沒有反對過這個名字——這是一個事實。 甚至他的兄弟Ramesh也叫他“卡爾奇”，就像我多年來一樣。Ramesh出版了卡爾奇巴關的幾十盤磁帶（贊美卡爾奇的奉獻音樂），並且出版這些磁帶的 公司是巴關和他兒子擁有的，公司名字就叫“卡爾奇出版社”。我們向其捐款的信托基金有很長一段時間叫做“卡爾奇基金”，直到至少2004年還是活躍的。
A couple of years ago, I think it was in 2004, Bhagavan decided to call his Movement a University, the “Oneness University.” The word Oneness was inspired and taken from the author Carl Johan Calleman, the creator of Oneness Celebration, after Calleman visited Golden City and met Bhagavan. I know that Bhagavan is very cautious to not get the reputation of a sect. This is, as far as I have understood it, the reason he chose the name “Oneness University.” Time will show how long this name will last....
During the first 1.5 years after this Movement had become public in Feb. 1991 (it started as an esoteric “experiment” in July 1989), Paramacharya [Dr. R. Shankar] was the only one in the world who was authorized to conduct Bhagavan’s courses. They were mostly conducted where we lived, in Somangalam village, 10 km from Chennai airport. After some time we went on tours giving these courses, mainly in Tirupati, Bangalore and Chennai....
在1991年2月這個運動開始面向公眾以後最初的一年半裏（在1989年7月它是作為少數幾個人的“試驗”開始的），Paramacharya（即R. Shankar博士）是世界上唯一被授權教導巴關的課程的人。它們主要在我們居住的距清奈機場約10公裏的Somangalam村進行。一段時間以後我們開始旅行教授這些課程，主要是在Tirupati, Bangalore and Chennai（清奈）....
There was a man, Nirmal Parija from Orissa, who worked in the school when Bhagavan suddenly emerged as a Guru/Avatar. He was spiritually very close to Bhagavan; a few years later he became the personal secretary of Bhagavan’s only disciple: Paramacharya [Dr. Shankar]. For almost 2 years I was living in the Ashram near Chennai (250 km from Jeevashram) with Paramacharya as well as Anandagiri and a few more students from Bhagavan’s school. After a year in that Ashram we went to live at Bhagavan’s place: Jeevashram [at Rajupeta, near Kuppam, northeast of Bangalore]. I felt like the most blessed person on earth: I was meeting Bhagavan many hours daily until he, five months later (September 1993), asked me to start spreading his message to the rest of the world.
在巴關突然變成了一個大師/神的化身期間，有一個從Orissa來的叫Nirmal Parija的男人在學校裏工作。他在精神上與巴關非常親近，幾年後成為巴關的唯一的門徒Paramacharya（Shankar博士）的私人秘書。有 近兩年的時間我與Paramacharya、阿南德基裏以及其他幾位巴關學校的學生住在清奈附近的道場。在那個地方住了一年後我們搬到巴關的地方—— Jeevashram [在 Rajupeta, Kuppam附近, Bangalore的東北方向]住下。我覺得自己是世界上最受祝福的人：我每天與 巴關會面幾個小時，直到5個月後（1993年9月），他讓我開始將他的信息向世界其它地方散布。
Bhagavan had started his spiritual work with the students [at his Jeevashram school on] July 19th 1989, and soon Jeevashram became an ashram too. 1.5 years later Bhagavan went public and I came to the first course they did for the general public.
In 1989 Nirmal had many mystical experiences around the creation of the universe. Nirmal told me in 1992 that Bhagavan said that they were the three incarnations of the Hindu Trinity: Bhagavan was Vishnu, Paramacharaya was Shiva and Nirmal was Brahma (God in the aspect of Creator).
After some time Bhagavan made some changes in the hierarchy of the deities. Amma, Samadarshini ([a young woman,] the most prominent devotee student from Bhagavan’s school) and Krishna (Bhagavan’s son) became the special deities (=gods), whereas he himself became the one Lord God, the one Christ and Mohammed used to pray to. After a few years, Bhagavan decided to change it again – Amma emerged as the new Goddess. Now she was as much God as Bhagavan....
When Bhagavan decided to have a monastic order [for his dasa "servants of the Lord"], I think it was in 1995, Nirmal soon left the Movement. The official version was that he got upset that his ex-subordinates (students from Jeevashram who now had become dasas) suddenly were above him in the hierarchy. Some years before Nirmal left, Bhagavan had told him, me and the other disciples (Anandagiri, Samadarshini) that we should marry.... Apart from getting married, he had also told us to let our hair and beard grow long, like the rishis (Vedic prophets) in the olden days....
當巴關決定要（為他的“上帝的僕人”dasa ） 有一個修道院似的次序時——我想那是在1995年，Nirmal很快離開了這個運動。正式的說法是他對自己的前下屬（從前Jeevashram學校的學生 而現在成了dasa）在組織層級中排在他之上感到不安。在Nirmal離開之前的幾年，巴關曾經告訴他、我和其他門徒（阿南德基裏和薩瑪達詩尼）說我們將 結婚……
In 1993 (around March) Anandagiri gave a lecture in his home town Nellore. He talked about the new wave of mass enlightenment that Bhagavan had initiated a few months ago; how very, very soon the entire world was going to become enlightened. (As far as I remember, we said that this wave would result in mankind’s total enlightenment by the year 2000). Anandagiri told that he himself was one of the hundreds who recently had become enlightened in less than a day. He shared his own story of enlightenment.
[Freddy goes on to report the inconsistencies and contradictions in Bhagavan and Anandagiri each confirming Anandagiri's "full enlightenment," which was not so "full" after all, since several times it needed renewal or updating.]
[Q: I have understood from what you just told, that permanent enlightenment need not be permanent. Was Anandagiri’s enlightenment getting gradually deeper, from his initial enlightenment as a student, until he was declared a god in 2005?]
Freddy: I have already mentioned that truths, teachings, approaches, names, history etc. are constantly being changed by Bhagavan. At age 13-14, Anandagiri described his state to be similar to what people often understand as enlightenment. (I do not think Bhagavan declared him enlightened at that age.) 2 or 3 years later, in 1993, Bhagavan declared Anandagiri irreversibly enlightened. Soon Ananandagiri and hundreds of other “enlightened” devotees discovered that what Bhagavan said was permanent was in fact impermanent. A few years later, around 1997 or 1998, Ananandgiri was again being projected as an enlightened teacher. Bhagavan has often declared people permanently and supremely enlightened. When the “enlightened” person gets depressed again, Bhagavan tries to avoid speaking about it. What Bhagavan calls permanent enlightenment, I would rather call “an altered state that might or might not become permanent, might or might not be what is considered enlightenment.”...
巴關在1993年新年過後開始給予人類大規模的開悟。在 1992年10月，一間在清奈的整個學校（叫做Balalok）開始采用我們的課程。那個學校由一對夫婦所擁有 （Mr. Bhat and Mrs. Vanitha Bhat），他們正好也是學校的校長和主任。他們或是啟發了或是命令了所有的學生參加我們的課程。大約200到400名學生組成小組來參加課程。有些在1993年新年前來的，有些是在其後。不久巴關宣稱幾乎所有的學生都開悟了。那些學生非常年輕， 在12-15歲之間。在道場的助手和內部人士之中，我是那時唯一沒有開悟的人。在大規模開悟開始之前，助手們和Paramacharya在1993年1月 到Balalok學校為1992年參加了我們課程的學生們傳遞開悟。我是唯一一個不能傳遞那個狀態的人，因為我還沒有被宣稱開悟。巴關的大規模開悟浪潮從 此開始，並且不久之後上百萬上億的人將得到它。我們的喜悅沒有邊界！我們對這一天等待了這麼久！！！然而幾個月以後，我們都看到了那些所謂開悟的道場內部人士，以及大多數學員和Balalok學校的學生開始抱怨痛苦和各種各樣的問題。很顯然他們一點也沒有開悟，1993年1月他們得到的不管什麼狀態都只是暫時性的。
Bhagavan started to give mass enlightenment [sic] to mankind after New Year 1993. In October 1992, an entire school in Chennai (called Balalok) started to go through our programs. The school was owned and run by a married couple, Mr. Bhat and Mrs. Vanitha Bhat, who also happened to be its principal and head master. They inspired or asked all students to attend our courses. Some 200-400 students came to the courses in smaller groups. Some came before New Year 1993, others after. Soon Bhagavan declared almost all the students enlightened. The students were pretty young, between 12 and 15 years old. Among the assistants and inmates of the ashram, I was the only one who then did not get enlightened. The assistants and Paramacharya visited Balalok school in January 1993 to transfer enlightenment to the students who came to our courses in 1992, before mass enlightenment had started. I was the only one who could not transfer the state as I was not declared enlightened. Bhagavan’s wave of mass enlightenment had now started, and soon the millions and billions were going to make it. Our joy knew no bounds! We had been waiting so long for this!!! After a few months though, we all saw that the so-called enlightened ashram inmates as well as most participants and students of Balalok school started to complain about suffering and various problems. It was obvious that they were not at all enlightened, and whatever state they had got in January 1993 was only temporary.
[Q: Didn’t Bhagavan start to give mass enlightenment just a few years ago, after the deekshas were introduced in 2004?]
福萊迪：它就像浪潮一樣來來去去，直到現在之前，它一直是以失敗告終。 巴關從來都能很快找到關於為什麼集體開悟要往後拖的解釋，比如說人類還沒有准備好接受他的恩典，等等。1999年12月3日，我邀請了120位俄羅斯人和 10位瑞典人到Nemam參加一個30天的由阿南德基裏主導的開悟課程。課程進行到一半，在由 Sri Acharya Kaushika Bhagavaddasa教授的那個7天的清理課程裏，Kaushika 告訴我們，巴關說過這次課程中的每一個人在課程結束時都將開悟。不會有任何例外！我們所有的人都歡呼慶祝。每一個人都開始更加投入於這些每天長達18個小時的課程。這是個令人如此震驚的消息。許多人經歷了深深的抑鬱，開悟是唯一一件對他 們有意義的事了。我在頭腦裏對巴關說，如果這次我不能開悟的話（這可能是我第4次被保證開悟了），我將立即離開這個運用。當課程結束的時候，我不僅僅是為我自己失望了。我對130位學員當中有128位沒有得到開悟感到難忍的羞恥。當然我沒有讓任何人看到我的哀傷。我畢竟是他們的領袖，應該是他們對巴關的信仰和信任的來源！那兩位得到開悟的俄國婦女，後來說她們實際上沒有開悟。那可憐的128個俄羅斯人和瑞典人中的絕大部分都非常困惑、異常悲傷。巴關，這位他們信任的人，沒有實現他解放的承諾。很多人對巴關不能忠於他自己的話非常憤怒，有些人甚至離開了運動。不是所有的憤怒的人只是對巴關生氣，有些還對我憤怒。他們來參加課程是因為我啟發了他們。是我向他們保證巴關是可以完全信任的上帝的。我告訴了他們這些，而他們把我看做是可以信任的人。
Freddy: It has come and gone in waves; up till now, it has always ended in failure. Bhagavan is not slow in coming up with explanations as to why it will be a little later instead, for instance that mankind is not ready for his Grace etc. On December 3rd, 1999, I invited a group of 120 Russians and 10 Swedes to Nemam for a 30 days enlightenment course, conducted mainly by Anandagiri. Halfway through the course, during the seven days cleansing part of the course that was conducted by Sri Acharya Kaushika Bhagavaddasa, Kaushika told us that Bhagavan had said that EVERYONE in this course were going to be enlightened by the end of the course. There would be no exceptions whatsoever! All of us were rejoicing and celebrating. Everybody started to participate even more intensely in the classes that lasted for almost 18 hrs a day. This was such amazing news. Many of the people had been in deep depressions and enlightenment was the only thing that mattered to them. I mentally said to Bhagavan that if I did not get enlightened this time (this was maybe the 4th time I had been promised enlightenment), I will leave this Movement right away. When the course was over, I was not only depressed for my own sake. I also felt terrible shame before the 128 out of 130 participants who did NOT get enlightened. I didn’t let anyone see my sadness, of course. I was after all their leader who should be their source of faith and trust in Bhagavan! The two Russian women who got enlightened, later told that they actually were not enlightened. Most of the poor 128 Russians and Swedes were confused and utterly sad. Bhagavan, the one they had trusted and put their faith in, did not fulfill his liberating promise. Many got very angry that Bhagavan had not kept his word, some even left the Movement. Not all who got angry were angry at Bhagavan primarily. Some were cross with me instead; they had come to the course because I had inspired them to. I was the one who had promised them that Bhagavan was God and we could trust him completely. I had given them my word and they saw me as a person that can be trusted....
Within these last three years of the “deeksha way” to mass enlightenment, there have been several changes. Here are a few examples: To begin with, in 2004, Bhagavan said that by 2012, all people on Earth would have become enlightened. A little more than a year later, this was changed. Bhagavan now said that by 2009 or 2010, 64,000 or more will be in Oneness state (highest form of enlightenment) and they will be able to pass on a state of freedom from (inner) suffering to mankind by 2012. (Freedom from inner suffering is a much “lower” state than enlightenment, according to Bhagavan.) Today the forecast is even less optimistic: I just read on Bhagavan’s official website (www.onenessuniversity.org, see the FAQ) that “…the Golden Age would definitely take birth by the year 2012.” This postponement gives Bhagavan several years or maybe even decades to make further changes, if needed....
[Q: Did Bhagavan initially have only one disciple?]
福 萊迪：是的。當我在1991年加入他們的時候，他們經常提及並強調除了Paramacharya （Shankar博士）以外沒有其他人是巴關的門徒。一 到兩年後，我想應該是1992年吧，巴關決定收更多幾個正式門徒，即所謂的Acharyas（老師）。他收了7個，我是其中一個。其他幾位 是：Giribabu, 維瑪拉克提, Kaushika, Ramesh (巴關的兄弟),和三位女門徒——薩瑪達詩尼、 Akshyamati 和 Maytreyi。我們全都改了名字：Giribabu改成錫呂。阿南達基裏。巴格瓦達薩老師，我改成錫呂。福萊迪。巴格瓦達 薩老師，巴關甚至叫我把我護照上的名字改過來。Vimalakirti也不再做老師（Acharya）了，因為他想受教育並過一個普通人的生活。當我一年左右之後回到印度的時候，Paramacharya告訴我說阿南達基裏、薩瑪達詩尼，可能還有其他幾個人，曾問巴關他們是否可以過禁欲的生活，因此巴關決定所有的老師從此應該是禁欲的（在思想上、言語上和行動上）。我已經對這種正式的門徒名號和不得不成為一個大師感到不舒服了——那時許多印度人，特別是巴關的獻身者們，會請你祝福他們並且／或者匍匐在你的腳下；何況我一直想保持自然，我怎麼知道我是否能在思想上也保持禁欲呢。我不喜歡人們的行為和態度與他們說的和教導的不一致；我的心不允許我過一種虛偽的生活。所以我問Paramacharya是否可以把我的“Acharya”的名號去掉。我並補充說我不會比以前工作得不努力。即使在我的“Acharya”名號被去掉後，巴關還是繼續把我稱為他的“西方門徒”。
Freddy: Yes. When I joined them in 1991, it was often mentioned and emphasized that nobody but Paramacharya [Dr. Shankar] was Bhagavan’s disciple. One or two years later, I think it was in 1992, Bhagavan decided to take a few more (official) disciples, so-called Acharyas [Teachers]. He took seven more, and I was one of them. The others were: Giribabu, Vimalakirti, Kaushika, Ramesh (Bhagavan’s brother), and 3 female disciples: Samadarshini, Akshyamati and Maytreyi. We all changed names: Giribabu became Acharya Sri Anandagiri Bhagavaddasa, I became Acharya Sri Freddy Bhagavaddasa. Bhagavan even asked me to change my name in the passport. Vimalakirti almost stopped being an Acharya, as he thought of getting educated and lead an ordinary life. When I returned to India a year or so later, Paramacharya told me that Anandagiri, Samadarshini, maybe some of the others too had asked Bhagavan if they could live in celibacy. Therefore Bhagavan had decided that all the Acharyas from now on should be celibate (in thought, word and action). I was already feeling uncomfortable with this official apostolic title and having to be a guru. Many Indians, especially Bhagavan’s devotees, will then ask you to bless them and/or fall at your feet; and how did I know if I could keep celibacy in thought too, I have always wanted to be natural. I did not like when people’s actions and attitudes did not match their words or teachings; my heart didn’t allow me to live a hypocritical life. So I asked Paramacharya if it was ok if my Acharya title was removed. I added that I was not going to work less hard than before. Even after my title “Acharya” was removed, Bhagavan continued to call me his Western Apostle.
Today only three of the eight Acharyas remain: Ananadagiri, Samadarshini and Vimalakirti.
1993年巴關決定需要有一個嚴格的層級制度： Acharyas（老師）、dharma mitras （印度協助者）等。這是在後來修道院式dasas次序被引進之前幾年的事。他告訴我說我是他對西方的唯一門徒，而在僧侶次序誕生之後，巴關決定其他一些人也可以在國外開他的課程，但是他叫我做他在歐洲和前蘇聯地區的唯一代表。這在一夜之間就變了。從2004年1月起巴關決定不再要有領導者了，每一個人都應該是領導者。但是，在層級制度中dasas（僧侶和修女們）仍然有一非常特殊的角色，唯有他們被允許免費見巴關和阿瑪的面，除非你碰巧是一位VIP......
In 1993 Bhagavan had decided that there need to be a strict hierarchy: Acharyas, dharma mitras (Indian local coordinators) etc. This was a few years before the monastic order of dasas was introduced. He told me that I was to be his only Apostle for the West, and after the Monk order was born, Bhagavan decided that some others could also do his courses abroad, but he asked me to be his single representative for Europe and former Soviet Union. This changed over a night. From January 2004 Bhagavan decided to have no more leaders, everybody should be a leader. However, the dasas (monks and nuns) still have a very special role in the hierarchy, they are the only ones that are allowed to see Bhagavan and Amma for free, unless you happen to be a VIP....
Before the 21 days processes started in 2004, Western devotees came to Golden City for so-called darshan tours. These tours took place between 2002 and 2003. A darshan tour lasted for 5 days. On the last day of the tour, the groups had a darshan (=group meeting) with Bhagavan, usually lasting for an hour or so....
在2001年四個人被培訓在印度之外傳授Mukti Yagnas課程（開悟閉關）。我是其中一位。這個課程與1999年在Nemam的30天課程是一樣的，只是更短——７天。為了參加這個７天的閉關（Mukti３階），人們必須參加過此前的另外兩個課程。我管那另外兩個課程叫做Mukti1階、Mukti 2階。根據巴關所說，Mukti３階是使許多人獲得開悟的課程。 對於那些（Mukti３階中——譯者注）從還沒有得道的人，巴關設計了一個18個月或36個月的課程。它被稱為“18個月程序”，而為了使它對西方獻身者而言符合邏輯，我簡稱它為Mukti 4階。
In 2001 four people were trained to conduct the Mukti Yagnas (enlightenment retreats) outside of India. I was one of them. The Mukti Yagna was the same course as the 30 days course in Nemam in 1999. It was just shorter, 7 days. To attend this 7-days retreat (Mukti-3), people had to go through two courses prior to this one. I called those two courses Mukti-1 and Mukti-2. Mukti-3 was a course where, according to Bhagavan, many were going to get enlightened. For those who did not make it (=get enlightened), Bhagavan came up with the 18/36 months program. It was called the 18 months process, and to make it logical for the Western devotees, I called it simply Mukti-4.
Any of the 18 or 36 months processes were for sure going to make the seeker fully enlightened, if the program was followed of course. Before embarking upon the 18/36 months process, one needed a physical touch by Bhagavan (it looked like a blessing or initiation). It was given, free of charge, during the so-called darshan tours to Golden City in 2002-2003....
人們有時想知道巴關的真實意圖是什麼。有些問題被提出來，比如：這些實驗是否太危險和極端了？ [比如讓他的許多外國學生進行長達幾個月的嚴格的水果餐，結果導致很多人嚴重的疾病和幾個人的死亡。] 用無辜的人作為“幾內亞豬”是否符合道德？這是一個包括嚴格的減肥餐和生活方式在內的新的程序，巴關並不知道可能的後果。這些人不僅僅是甜蜜的人——他們中的大多數以及完全臣服於那個啟發他們過這種嚴酷生活方式的人。對於他們，巴關是他們長久以來等待出現的世界的拯救者；他的話就是他們的法律......這 是在我做巴關弟子的15年來見證了多次的模式。巴關想出新的拯救世界的方法。當一個“實驗”不成功時，或者它暫時性的效果在人們當中消退時，他會很快開始 一個充滿樂觀精神和新的極端允諾的新項目。他和他的弟子們對於給予大規模開悟的每一個新的“不可能失敗的”方法的狂熱是如此強烈，以致於過去的失敗很容易被忘卻。當這一次巴關將確定使全人類開悟，我們為什麼要想過去的事？......
People have sometimes wondered what Bhagavan’s true intentions are. Questions were posed, such as: Were these experiments not too dangerous and extreme? [--Such as having many of his foreign students go on a strict fruitarian diet for many months, which caused many people to fall very ill and a few to die.] Was it ethical to use innocent people as “guinea pigs”? This was a new process including an extreme diet and lifestyle that Bhagavan did not know the possible consequences of. These were not only sweet people: most of them had completely surrendered to the one who had inspired them to go for this tough lifestyle. Bhagavan was for them the long-awaited savior of the world; his words were law to them.... This is a pattern I have seen many times during my 15 years of being Bhagavan’s disciple. Bhagavan comes up with new ways to save the world. When one “experiment” doesn’t work, or the temporary results fades away in people, he quickly starts a new project with full enthusiasm and new extreme promises. The fervor he and his disciples have for every new “infallible” approach to give mass enlightenment is so intense that the old failures are easier to forget. Why should we think about the past when THIS TIME Bhagavan will definitely make mankind enlightened?...
[Q: How many got enlightened in the 18 or 36 months process?]
Freddy: I did not hear of anyone who got enlightened. Some were not even informed that Bhagavan cancelled the whole system of 18 and 36 months processes, and kept on following them faithfully till the very end. (Many of the Russians didn’t have e-mail or internet access at that time.) Bhagavan cancelled all old courses and processes when the 21 days processes were introduced in January 2004....
[Q: How did the 21 days courses start?]
Freddy: They were a natural continuation of the 18 months fruitarian process. The seekers should first go through a 10 days process in Golden City, the huge Ashram where Bhagavan lives. Those who would not have become fully enlightened after the 10 days process, could come to the infallible 21 days process. However, before coming to the 21 days process, a minimum gap of 6 months had to pass after the completion of the 10 days process....
In October 2003 Anandagiri told me over the phone that I could start to invite seekers from Europe and ex-Soviet Union. The price for the 10 days process was decided to be $1000 US dollars. Many, if not most, were expected to become enlightened in this 10 days process, said Anandagiri. I know that when he gives such important information, he is simply repeating Bhagavan’s words. He is not supposed to take any important decisions on his own. In the 21 days process, Bhagavan, with the help of his dasas, was going to remove all karma and blocks that hinder the seekers to become completely and irreversibly enlightened. To my great relief, Bhagavan had said that people didn’t necessarily have to be devotees of Bhagavan in order to get enlightened in the foolproof 21 days process.
Less than a month before the first 10 days process that was to start on January 5th 2004, Anandagiri emailed me and said that the 10 days processes had been cancelled. Bhagavan had decided that people should come directly to the infallible 21 days process instead. I immediately answered Anandagiri that people will become angry and speak very bad of Bhagavan’s Movement if this first 10 days process was to be cancelled this late. Most people had already bought their return ticket, and many could not get the money back if they cancelled their ticket. Even if they went to the 21 days process, it would be complicated and expensive to change the dates for their already fixed return flight; and the majority of those who could get the money back for their ticket, especially the poor Russians, did not have the necessary $4000 US dollars that those 11 extra course days would cost.
有些來上課的獻身者每月只掙100到200美元，他們為來金色之城攢了幾年的錢。5000美元通常是你在俄羅斯2到4年的薪水，如果不吃不穿不住的話。實際上，5000美元可能要省吃儉用地攢上5到10年。然而，大多數前蘇聯的獻身者如果可以的話會通過5到10年期的貸款籌資。有些人因此破產，還有些人被迫出售了他們的公寓房。Some of the devotees who came earn only $100-200 a month and they had been saving for years to come to Golden City. $5000 is often what you get in 2-4 years in wages in Russia, as long as they do not spend a single dollar on food, clothes and living. In practice, $5000 can be saved in 5-10 years of economic living. Most ex-Soviet devotees, however, take loans that will take 5-10 years to pay back, if they ever will be able to. Some have become bankrupt; others have been forced to sell their flat etc.
It was not easy to convince Anandagiri to keep the 10 days process as it was decided originally; but with a lot of pressure from my side he finally agreed. They did two parallel courses, the 10 days and 21 days at the same time, in two different campuses.
Bhagavan declared many from the 21 days process enlightened, but many/most that I know – and I knew half of the group – soon went into depression.... I did my best to console them, inspire them to not give up this Path, to have trust that Bhagavan is after all the most powerful incarnation of the divine in human history.... People could become very desperate, sometimes even really angry with Bhagavan. Some almost wanted to commit suicide because they were disappointed with the processes and Bhagavan’s promises.
In order for them to calm down and also not spread bad rumors about Bhagavan, I saw no other way than to exaggerate certain things, such as all the mental suffering that they went through is good for them and it would be helpful on their path towards the soon-to-come enlightenment. I said all this because I believed it was for their highest good and for the best of the world if they believed in Bhagavan. Bhagavan and Anandagiri had let me know that sometimes a white lie is necessary. Whenever a white lie was helpful in the long run and serves a higher cause, it could be wise to use it. What better cause could there be than the final enlightenment of a person and the entire world?...
One of the faster growing spiritual movements from the 1990s onward is the so-called Kalki Deeksha movement, known since 2002 as the "Oneness Movement" (O.M.). Actually, as the evidence from quite disenchanted former higher-ups will show, this movement is a gigantic scam based on corrupt greed and empty promises by its heads, "Bhagavan and Amma," and tragic naivete and New Age superstition by its followers.
合一運動於1980年代晚期在南印度用另一個名字創建，然後由宗教史上眾多聰明的唯利是圖的商販之一Vijaykumar Naidu（生於1949年）推向公眾。他的詭計、肆無忌憚以及可能一點超自然能力的混合，使其對他從1984年督導的學校的年輕學生具有一種令人迷惑的力量，並迸發成從諸如拉馬那·瑪哈希、尼薩伽達塔·馬哈拉吉、J·克裏希那穆提以及UG·克裏希那穆提這些偉大的不二論聖哲們的智慧中撿來的“終極”靈性教導。1989年Vijaykumar浮誇地把自己的名字改成“卡爾奇”。卡爾奇是傳統預言中即將到來的毗詩奴的化身（毗詩奴是印度教三神一體中的保護者和維系者）。在很短的時間裏，由於關於這個名字的法律問題，Vijaykumar改稱自己“巴關”以增強他“上帝的化身”的地位：他就是那位來此通過他聲稱的夏克提帕特能力（即給予人們神的力 量）和Deeksha（灌頂或祝福，“神聖能量的傳遞”）首先令6萬4千人開悟而給予全人類到2012年開悟的上帝的化身。由於他對於偽科學術語的偏好，巴關·卡爾奇把開悟叫做“神經生物學上的大腦更換事件”，說它是祝福或者恩典的結果，這恩典可以經他本人、他妻子、他的親近弟子、以及任何一位願意為一21天課程 付7000多美元以及其他費用以成為經認證的“Deeksha給予者”（國內稱“合一能量傳導師”——譯者注）的人傳導。
It was founded in South India under another name in the late 1980s and then made public in early 1991 by one of the more clever hucksters in religious history, one Vijaykumar Naidu (b.1949). Possessing a certain mix of intrigue, chutzpah and perhaps some minor psychic powers, all of which gave him a mesmerizing power over some young people in a school he directed from 1984 onward, and spouting "final level" spiritual teachings gleaned from the wisdom of great advaita-nondual sages like Ramana Maharshi and Nisargadatta Maharaj as well as J. Krishnamurti and UG Krishnamurti, Vijaykumar circa 1989 grandiosely re-named himself "Kalki." Kalki is the traditionally prophesied coming Avatar or Divine Incarnation of Vishnu (the "Preserver-Sustainer" aspect of the Hindu triune Deity: Brahma-Vishnu-Shiva). Within a short time, because of legal issues surrounding the name "Kalki," Vijaykumar re-titled himself "Bhagavan" to amplify his status as "the Lord God Incarnate," the one who is here to grant mass enlightenment to all of humanity by year 2012 by first fully enlightening 64,000 people via his alleged capacity for shaktipat, Bestowal of Divine Power, and deeksha, Initiation or Blessing, "the transfer of Divine energy." In his penchant for pseudo-scientific jargon, Bhagavan Kalki calls enlightenment a "neurobiological brain-shift event" which happens as a result of this blessing or "transfer of Grace" from him, his wife, his close disciples, and anyone who is willing to pay the $7,000+ for a 21-day course and other costs to become a certified "deeksha-giver."
Kalki's former chief missionary to the West, Freddy Nielsen, who now deeply regrets having lured tens of thousands of people in 15 countries into the Kalki Deeksha Oneness Movement, reports: "[Kalki] said that he is the first full incarnation of God in more than 20,000 years, and if mankind will not cooperate with him, it cannot get enlightened and will therefore die as a species." But as Freddy and others have revealed, the so-called Bhagavan / "Lord" is a chronically rude, lying, manipulating, avaricious and arrogant authoritarian who, along with his wife and other accomplices, has schemed to exploit humanity under the pretext of enlightening them. It is for these reasons that most of his leading longtime disciples have left this scoundrel who poses as the "Divine Incarnation."
I have not compiled this webpage of reports to denigrate Vijaykumar / "Bhagavan Kalki" (may he and all beings be truly enlightened and liberated from all karma by Divine Grace!). These materials are presented only as a public service to educate and warn all sincere but not-so-savvy spiritual aspirants to watch out for this man and his movement's missionaries, and for all other con-artists who have no qualms exploiting followers for their own private gain.
Authentic spirituality is so much more beautiful than the cheap, distorted product that is dangled before the public by the likes of the so-called Bhagavan Kalki, who thinks that the Divine can be turned into a commodity for purchase-- and has cleverly convinced hundreds of thousands of persons to think likewise and buy into his fantasy and farce.
1983 年我在CIIS（California Institute of Intergal Studies）的碩士論文寫的就是關於世界範圍的古老和現代的沙 克提帕特、神的恩典和/或高能的灌能現象（這些現象發生在許多最有勢力的宗教傳統世系中，也是無數的包括五旬節基督教在內的現代團體和各大洲的新宗教運動 的特色）。盡管在這個不尋常而且多面的現象上有著一定的專長，看到為數眾多的假導師和/或邪教首領如何自私地利用這個神性或開悟能夠通過偉大導師的觸摸、看見或精神意圖和他/她的加持被“轉移”或“傳導”的概念進行剝削，我還是被“逗樂”了——至少可以這樣說。他們在那些尋求強烈的極度喜悅和轉化的覺知的求道者們的頭腦中創造了一種極為焦慮的、饑渴的“追逐恩典”的期望，而不是真正的清晰和自由，脫離自我的依附、厭惡和幻象。
I wrote my M.A. thesis back in 1983 at CIIS on the worldwide ancient-modern phenomenon of Shaktipat, Divine Grace and/or Energetic Empowerment (which occurs in many of the most powerful lineages of our sacred traditions and is featured in numerous modern groups including Pentecostal Christianity and new religious movements on all continents). With a certain expertise on this extraordinary and multi-faceted phenomenon, I have been "amused," to say the least, to see how a rather large number of pseudo-gurus and/or cult-leaders have selfishly exploited the idea that Divinity or Enlightenment can be "transferred" or "transmitted" (almost always for a big price!) via the touch, sight, or mental intention of the exalted Guru and his/her initiates. This creates neurotically hungry "Grace-chase" expectations in the minds of naive seekers looking to get "high" on euphoria and altered states of consciousness (ASCs) rather than become truly clear and free, free of egoic attachments, aversions and delusions.
God-Realization or Self-Realization is not about obtaining some experience for a "me"--but about awakening to and lovingly living from THIS Absolute Open Infinite Awareness which is never an experience but the "No-thing-like" Empty/Full Source and Substance of all experiences. And THIS Absolute Awareness is always Who/What We Really Are, freely available as the inner Self of all selves, the Subject in which all objects arise, the Noumenon for all phenomena. THIS true Self or Reality is "closer than close," "subtler than the subtlest," right HERE before any and all identifications.
一個真正的大師或“靈性黑暗的去除者”只是簡單地、始終如一地把渴望得道的人指回到現實這 個本質的、天生的（即“撒哈加”）“內在導師”。真正對人類有幫助的導師或朋友不會不必要地將一個人誘惑進一個向外的“對恩典的追逐”，也不必要用誇張的 世俗的策劃、“能量經驗”、或任何其他世俗的高級（天堂的、至福的）或低級（塵世的）現象。相比之下，一個假導師將用所有的花招來創造依賴、有限的認同、 依戀、困難和幻象以使你覺得自己是個特殊的“某人”，屬於一個精英團體的一部分，這個精英團體現在被特別地賦予了將更低層次的人引導進一個開悟的黃金時代 的力量。這正是Vijaykumar/卡爾奇·巴關自1990年代初以來所玩的騙局。
A genuine Guru or "remover of spiritual darkness" simply and consistently points the aspirant back to this intrinsic, inborn (sahaja) "Inner Guru" Reality. The authentically helpful human Guru or Friend does not needlessly entice one into an external "Grace chase," pompous worldly schemes, "energy experiences," or any other worldly phenomena high or low (heavenly, earthly, etc.). A false or pseudo-guru, however, will use all sorts of tricks to create dependency, limited identifications, attachments, complications and delusions so that you feel like a special "somebody," somebody who is part of an elite group which is now especially empowered to usher in a Golden Age of Enlightenment for all lesser beings. It is just such a swindle that has been run since the early 1990s by Vijaykumar / Kalki Bhagavan....
我們將從下面收集的材料中了解到，Vijaykumar從前在印度的一所克裏希那穆提學校做中層行政人員；他開始有了一些靈性經驗，然後，比較有問題的是，他開始有了要成為一個領軍的大師級人物的膨脹的野心。J. 克裏希那穆提（1895-1986）批評了Vijaykumar的靈性經驗和虛榮。Vijaykumar 隨後與一位溫文爾雅的“頭面人物”杉卡爾博士（就是他將Vijaykumar帶進了克裏希那穆提學校）合作，在印度的Andhra Pradesh省為青少年開辦他自己的新學校，並且給他自己創造了一位偉大的靈性領軍人物的高貴地位和神話。不出意料，在一個渴望靈性的時代，在有吸引力的杉卡爾的幫助 下，Vijaykumar開始把很多真誠的、易受影響並很容易上當的年輕人吸引進他的運動。Vijaykumar-卡爾奇和他的妻子 Padmavathi 阿瑪（“阿瑪”通常的意思是“母親”）以及他們的追隨者中最親近的內部圈子聰明地利用了特定的一些關於開悟的誇張語言，和關於“大 規模集體開悟”的天真的期待的力量（1993年以後），伴以狡猾的社會互動（與同行聯絡混合在一起的權利主義、同伴壓力等等）和內在心理互動（對經驗的尋 求、人際間的相互依賴、群體認同、認知的不協調等），並且隨著在快速積累的大量的金錢中找到的力量，這對漂亮的、驕傲的“巴關和阿瑪”很快從開始的一個狂熱崇拜小團體，成長為一個大規模的集體運動。
As we shall learn from the materials gathered and presented below, Vijaykumar was a mid-level administrator in a Krishnamurti school in India; he began to have some spiritual experiences and then, more problematically, began to have inflated ambitions to become a leading guru-figure himself. .J. Krishnamurti (1895-1986) criticized Vijaykumar's spiritual experiences and pretensions. Vijaykumar subsequently worked with an elegant "front-man," Dr. R. Shankar (who brought Vijaykumar into the JK school), to open in India's Andhra Pradesh state his own new school for adolescents and to create an exalted status and mythos for himself as a great spiritual leader. Predictable in an era of spiritual hunger, Vijaykumar, with the attractive Shankar's help, began to draw in lots of sincere, impressionable, and rather gullible young people to his movement. Vijaykumar-Kalki and his wife Padmavathi Amma ("Amma" commonly means "Mother") and their closest inner circle of followers cleverly utilized certain high-flown language about enlightenment and (from 1993 onward) the power of naive expectations about "collective mass enlightenment," along with insidious social dynamics (authoritarianism mixed with "collegial networking," peer pressure, etc.) and well-known inner psychological dynamics (experience-seeking, interpersonal dependency, group identification, cognitive dissonance, etc.), and, with the newfound power of the giant sums of money they were soon amassing, the proud and petty "Bhagavan and Amma" quickly grew a large mass movement out of the initial cult group.
Part of the big appeal was to entice growing numbers of persons with the chance to feel self-important and even make some money as "deeksha-givers," people who could "transmit enlightenment via Divine Grace" by laying on hands over other people's heads and "letting the Divine energy flow." All sorts of expectancy effects play into this set-up, and, combined with a natural flowing through the hands of warmth and subtle energy (variously called in different traditions prana-shakti, ch'i, ki, mana, baraka, orgone, bioplasmaetc.) from our own human energy field (HEF) in resonance with the HEF of the deeksha recipient, most recipients of this deeksha will enjoy unusual temporary experiences of focused attention, relaxation, openness, a feeling of being nurtured and loved, and, yes, a heightened sense of energy flowing in and around their body. But to use the word "enlightenment" to describe these fleeting experiences and a modicum of nondual mystic understanding is to cheapen the word "enlightenment" beyond all recognition.
The rapid growth of the Kalki Deeksha movement (for a time it was called the "Golden Age Foundation") created its own snowballing social dynamics such that by 2005 the Oneness Movement was inflatedly claiming 30 million followers in India and worldwide. Realistically, there are likely "only" a few hundred thousand people, not millions, who have paid to take the courses, initiations, and/or darshan-audiences proffered by the Deeksha / Oneness Movement.
An especially nifty strategem created by Kalki Bhagavan and his organizational leaders is to invite certain foreign New Age, New Paradigm, and neo-Nondual "spiritual teachers" and "healers" with sizeable followings to come to the Golden City (now Oneness UniverCity) to present their lectures and workshops and to meet Bhagavan at the twice-a-year "Oneness Festivals." This strategy is a brilliant form of "collegial networking" to insure that all the followers of the foreign teachers will also come to know of Bhagavan's "eminence" as an Indian Guru/Avatar, and, in turn, the foreign teachers can feel that they have participated in some lofty form of cross-cultural, interfaith ecumenicism and can also feel that they have received (in addition to monies received) some kind of recognition and blessing for their own work by a "prominent Indian spiritual Master." What an insidious quid pro quo arrangement for all parties involved in this club of mutually congratulatory back-slapping! Almost all participants sincerely feel they are doing their part to "enlighten humanity"! Well, almost everyone except "Bhagavan and Amma," who most likely are secretly laughing all the way to the bank over the amazing credulity of the multitudes who come to see them and participate in their charade.
隨著最近（ 2008年4月22日）揮霍華美的合一殿堂的完工和落成典禮，卡爾奇狂熱崇拜團體獲得了甚至更多的國內和國際的注意。合一殿堂坐落在“合一大學”校區內（從前的“金色之城”，在清奈/Madras以北65公裏的Varadayyapalem村外邊，距Tada 4公裏，從國家5號高速公路出來的路上，Pulicat湖西邊，以及Andhra Pradesh 與Tamil Nadu兩 個省交界處的正北）。合一殿堂是座三層大理石結構的龐然大物，有泰姬陵體量的二十倍，以大理石的尖頂和回廊為裝飾，它的中心“神的恩典金色大廳”據說能夠 引發那些神經生物學的大腦改變從而創造更高層次的開悟的覺知。合一殿堂是建築在那些貧窮但是充滿希望的（現在不幸的）印度人和天真輕信的西方人的背上的， 那些人被“巴關和阿瑪”用他們長期上演的賺錢騙局詐取得乾乾淨淨。（很不走運，在落成典禮上發生了人群驚亂事故之後設在殿堂的慶祝活動都被延遲了，在那個事故中有4人死亡，很多人受傷，據稱原因是60萬的人數——包括合一運動成員和好奇的群眾在內——使沒有准備好的主辦人員不知所措。）
[Q: Does it really cost money (just) to see A&B?]
Freddy: Westerners have no access to get a private meeting or even a one minute private darshan (lit. to see or meet a saint or a god) with Bhagavan. The only way for Westerners, with very few exceptions, to see Bhagavan is to be famous or rich. Indians have to pay a huge amount of money to meet Bhagavan in person, I think it is $2000-3000 US dollars for a meeting of 20-30 minutes. Amma has regular public darshans in Nemam, near Chennai and they are free. For Amma’s private darshans there are two options: a group price where you can see her in a group for a very short time, it costs $150 per person approximately. To be alone with her for 2 minutes and talk to her shortly cost approx. $400, Indian and Westerners pay the same. For many Indian laborers, $400 is 8 months of wages. The prices for the private darshans I have mentioned are taken from my memory and are from November 2005....
福 萊迪：西方人無法得到與巴關的私人會面甚或只有一分鐘的私人達顯（即見到或者會面一位聖人或神）。對於西方人來說——只有很少的例外——唯一見到巴關的辦 法是要有名或有錢。印度人要單獨會見巴關必須付很大的一筆錢，我想一次20到30分鐘的會見是2000到3000美元。阿瑪在Nemam（清奈附近）舉辦定期的達顯而且是免費的。要得到阿瑪的私人達顯有兩種選擇：一種是團體價，你可以與一組人一起見到她很短的時間，價格是每人大約150美元；一種是單獨與她一起談大約2分鐘，價格大約是400美元，對印度人和西方人都同價。對於很多印度工人來說，400美元是8個月的薪水。我提到的這些私人達顯的價格是我能回憶起來的2005年11月以後的。
If someone was donating money, Bhagavan would spend hours with that person. The more money a person gave, the more time he/she “happened” to get with Bhagavan. These things were never told directly to people, it was simply an unwritten law. I haven’t seen Bhagavan have a private meeting (free of charge) with an ordinary person in more than 10 years. I have only seen him meet people that can help him to become influential, famous or rich. I had been given strict guidelines regarding what kind of people who were welcome (and who were not) to come for the “VIP process” – a 21 days process, free of charge, in luxurious surroundings. I also got guidelines as to who among the VIPs additionally could get a private meeting with Bhagavan. Only VVIP’s (lit. very, very important person) were invited to meet Bhagavan: rich or famous people, famous spiritual teachers who could make Bhagavan (world)famous or a possible big sponsor. There were exceptions to the VVIP rule, for example our friends George and Stacy from Los Angeles and other rare followers who were extremely connected and personal friends with VVIP’s and were therefore capable of bringing several VVIP’s to Golden City.
There were also the “in betweeners”; people who had been invited for the VIP process, but were not enough VVIP to meet Bhagavan personally. In such cases, a shorter group meeting with Bhagavan could be arranged....
I have been sitting next to Bhagavan innumerable times when he has been meeting people, both private and group meetings. Bhagavan often discussed or commented, with the disciples (incl. me), on the people after they had left. He usually told which people he did not like, made malicious jokes about their, in his opinion, odd ways or shallow questions. I am not used to such discussions where humiliating things are spoken behind people’s backs; sometimes Bhagavan was rather sarcastic. This condescending attitude of Bhagavan was one of the major tests for my faith in him as mankind’s savior and God Almighty; in fact, it almost made me leave in several occasions in the early stages (between 1994-1998). [Freddy reports that "Bhagavan" was especially scathing about the religious insensitivity and spiritual stupidity of Americans, and Freddy feared that if this information got out to anyone in the West, the Kalki movement would never have grown any larger.]...
我幾乎從一開始就與巴關在一起，有四年的時間（在dasa們開始加入那個修道院式階層之前）。一些dasa們在十幾歲時來到我指導的團隊裏，我也在他們中的幾個人（Murali dasa, Radhakrishna dasa）身上單獨工作過。這也許就是為什麼他們能有時非常敞開地與我聊並說些他們本應永遠不透露的話......
I had been with Bhagavan almost from the very beginning, four years before the dasas started to join the monastic order. Some dasas had come as teenagers to the groups I was guiding; I had also worked individually on a few of them (Murali dasa, Radhakrishna dasa). That might have been the reason they sometimes spoke very openly with me and said things that were never supposed to leak out....
There is a growing number of people who are either leaving the Oneness Movement or discovering ways that work more powerfully and suit them better than the deekshas and the 21 days process. I guess soon we will see a wave of paths that are as attractive or more attractive than the deekshas; for people in general as well as for the deekshagivers and deekshatakers. Most of these paths are likely to be inexpensive, some even for free. When the people who are into deeksha discover that the promises made by Bhagavan regarding the deekshas are not true, or at least highly exaggerated, I think that most of his Western following is likely to go elsewhere....
特別有價值的是第1篇，“R.P. Sivam先生對Vijaykumar的早期曆史的傳記體的報道”，R.P. Sivam先生是對成為自誇的卡爾奇·巴關之前野心勃勃的Vijaykumar很了解的一個人；第7篇，年輕的福萊迪·尼爾森在2007年寫的一篇很長的無情的報告，福萊迪·尼爾森在1993年到2006年期間是卡爾奇主要的全球特使；還有第8篇，克利斯蒂安·歐佩茨於2007年晚期寫的一篇定罪性的報告，克利斯蒂安·歐佩茨最開始為合一運動寫的神經科學報告看起來將它合法化了，但是他後來震驚地發現被很多人經驗到的“令人眼花繚亂的開悟狀態”最有可能是被卡爾奇·巴關違法使用了麻醉劑的結果，卡爾奇·巴關可能是在那些人不知情、並且估計是違反他們的意願（如果他們知道他在對他們做什麼）的情況下使用麻醉劑的。
[Q: Have you ever seen strange or suspicious behavior in the dasas?]
Freddy: I did not know all of the dasas personally, maybe it was just 10 or 15 that I knew more closely. They have been very friendly in general, but not always. Some are considered, not only by me, to be egoistic and even rude.
[Freddy goes on to tell at length the tale of two leading Indian male dasas who sexually molested two different Swedish women participants in the Oneness Movement.]...
I know that 50-100 of the dasas are no more dasas. If they quit or were asked to, I don’t know....
[Q: I have been speaking to deeksha-givers who claimed that Bhagavan gives no rules or restrictions to his followers; is this true?]
福萊迪：對也不對！跟許多其他大師一樣，他有並行的（兩套）教導。一套教導或方法是為了吸引大眾，就像TM一樣[TM 指“超越的冥想”，由Mahesh 瑜伽士創建]……他用一種策略來吸引最大數量的追隨者和獻身者。開始時繩子是鬆的，而你越想靠近，對你的期望就越多，繩子將變得越來越緊。規則也可以以間接方式通過激勵系統來給。如果你做這個或信那個，你才能被允許私下會見dasa們或者甚至巴關，或成為一名協調人（coordinator）等。除非你相信巴關和阿瑪創造的宇宙，你是不能保持dasa身份的。除了以阿瑪和巴關的形式以外，dasa們不“應該”以其他任何方式與上帝連接……如果你有自己的與巴關不同的觀點，你真的不能夠繼續做一名dasa。巴關的dasa們（意即“巴關的僕人”）只被允許說巴關告訴他們的話。那兒有各種層次的洗腦……與許多[偽]大師一樣，巴關不能容忍追隨者們不同意他或違背他。他自戀而且控制欲強。這些都是我作為他最親近的弟子之一的15年中的親身經歷……
Freddy: Yes and no! As many other gurus, he has parallel teachings. One teaching or approach is to attract the masses, as did TM [Transcendental Meditation, founded by Mahesh Yogi].... He follows a strategy to attract maximum number of followers and devotees. First the rope is loose, and the closer you want to come, the more will be expected from you, the rope will become tighter and tighter. Rules can be given indirectly too, through reward systems. If you do this or believe that, only then you will be allowed to meet the dasas or even Bhagavan privately, become a coordinator etc. You cannot remain a dasa unless you believe that Bhagavan and Amma created the Universe. The dasas are not “supposed” to relate to God in any other way than in the form of Amma and Bhagavan.... If you have a personal opinion, different from that of Bhagavan’s, you cannot really remain a dasa. The Bhagavad dasas (lit. servants of Bhagavan) are only allowed to say what Bhagavan has told them. There are various levels of brainwashing.... Like many [pseudo-] gurus, Bhagavan cannot tolerate when followers don’t agree with him or disobey. He is narcissistic and controlling. All this has been my experience during 15 years of being one of his closest disciples....
[Q: Did Bhagavan ever limit your own freedom or choice?]
Freddy: If he did it too openly and directly, I would have left him 15 years ago; he knows I am a freedom lover. It is possible, however, to control, limit or manipulate in more indirect ways; and in my experience Bhagavan is a skilful manipulator....
[On Aliyah, a prominent devotee and longtime friend of Freddy:] She told some Russian devotees of Bhagavan that he is a businessman who wants to get famous and rich and he is cheating people claiming to be God....
In 2001, Bhagavan asked me and three others to start giving 7-days enlightenment retreats, the only course I ever conducted where there was no room for improvisation, each word and exercise had to be exactly as per a strict plan Radhika Bhagavaddasa had given me during my training. As far as I know, nobody got enlightened in these retreats. I even saw that after getting high DURING the retreat, the majority went into depression some weeks after the course. Rather often these depressions were deep: people lost interest in life, nothing could make them happy anymore. Many of them also doubted that life had a deeper meaning and that there was a God.
After one of the retreats I happened to read a book that, I was totally convinced, would help most people to come out of the depression they got after the Oneness/Mukti courses. I was very sad when people, after a 7-days enlightenment retreat, became sadder than they were before the course. I felt so sorry for people and was really looking for something that could prevent people from going into these “Mukti-depressions” (and get rather stuck there).
I couldn’t wait to meet Bhagavan to share how the approach described in the book that I had just read could free his devotees from depressions.... This book had helped me during depressions that I sometimes got between the courses; so why not use it for the people who came to the retreats? From time to time I gave Bhagavan books and shared new powerful tools; pretty often he not only approved of it, he even adopted it in his own courses and teachings. He wanted to make use of the best from the already existing and effective teachings in the world. I was of course not supposed to tell others about it, and I didn’t – until now.
This time the situation was different. Bhagavan asked me to never use the system from the book I’d read, as it would only seemingly help, but soon it would hinder the people from getting the real enlightenment. The system that he asked me not to use or tell about was Byron Katie and her four questions....
[Q: Does Bhagavan say he is the most powerful and important Master on Earth?]
Freddy: He often said that… and more. He also said that he is the first full incarnation of God in more than 20,000 years, and if mankind will not cooperate with him, it cannot get enlightened and will therefore die as a species.
[Q: What did he say about other gurus?]
Freddy: It was rare that he spoke nice or approving words about other gurus or masters. He regularly ridiculed them – sometimes even in a rude way; or at least emphasizing that he is infinitely more powerful than they are. They only spoke about enlightenment [or so Bhagavan Kalki claimed]. At the best they also made some efforts to give people enlightenment. Bhagavan said he is the only one that can make it happen and actually give it. The very best of these masters could give enlightenment to one or a few disciples at most. He said this about Ramana; however, some years later he had changed his mind. He now said that Ramana did not give enlightenment to anyone, what he gave was not full enlightenment. In Bhagavan’s opinion, most spiritual teachers were not actually enlightened..., or had an inferior kind of enlightenment that should not be call enlightenment at all. The dasas has much, much higher states than Buddha, Ramana etc., he maintains. Before my process in June 2004, he told me that he, in my process, was going to give me a permanent state that was 100 times higher than what Ramana Maharshi had. Someone recently wrote to me that he had heard Bhagavan say in a darshan that Ramana was not 100% enlightened (I do not know if this information is correct)....
[Q: You have mentioned a lot about Bhagavan. What has been your personal experience with Amma?]
Freddy: I met her from time to time a few years before she was declared God by Bhagavan. After 1993 I have never really spoken to her in a relaxed home atmosphere, only in big groups or for a minute or two in the Ashram in Nemam to get her blessings. In the beginning (1991-1992), Paramacharya and Samadarshini were more spoken about as deities than Amma. As she only spoke a few words of English and my Telugu was not much better than her English, we couldn’t speak much. To me, Amma was just Bhagavan’s wife, in the same way as Bhagavan’s father (who happened to be an atheist) was only his father and not a god in the Hindu pantheon. She was not the one who talked to the people from the courses, she did not meet devotees etc. She was just the head of the kitchen in the school, and she also happened to be Bhagavan’s wife. She looked angry or dissatisfied most of the time, I hardly ever saw her smile. Her voice was not soft and loving, it was rather harsh. I made a lot of efforts trying to like her because she was the wife of my Master and God, though my instinct was more to keep away from her, I did not trust her and disliked her rough and dominant nature.... I saw her as an average Indian house-wife with her own plus and minus points. I never felt anything elevated or spiritual in her.... After having lived in Bhagavan’s Ashram for almost two years Bhagavan asked me to start spreading his message outside of India. I soon started to live and work in Russia and did not have the money to come to India for a few years. When I came back, Bhagavan and Amma had moved to Chennai and lived in a house there. Since then, I have only met Bhagavan, not Amma.... Bhagavan had often told me that I need to become devoted to Amma too as this was my major hindrance to get enlightened....
第一次聽說合一大學，是去年10月份上一個身心靈工作坊時聽其他學員提到的，只是聽說它的課程很貴，好像是15萬多元人民幣，不記得是21天還是7天 的課程了，當時並沒有多問。後來，在李思坤的博客中看到了很多她上合一大學課程的體驗，特別是那些神秘體驗，當時感到熱血沸騰——那可能是真的啊！那種飛 的感覺、飛出身體的經驗，令我向往。由此，想多了解合一大學的課程以及它的創辦人巴關。用百度搜索，有很多參加過課程的人（中外都有，老外為主）的感言 （翻譯成中文的），都是它給了他們怎樣喜悅和解脫的內容，包括瑞哈夏和他夫人的“證詞”（瑞哈夏的書《生命的教導》裏也有專門提及這段經驗——現在看來與 弗萊迪披露的關於合一運動收費及VIP的策略比較吻合），似乎從他們的角度佐證了思坤講述的經驗；還有一些巴關和阿瑪的言論。
總之，在中文的網上一番了解下來，我非常興奮。為什麼呢？ 因為這個訊息太令我向往了—— 開悟，這個我追求著但又可望而不可及的境界，居然可以不費吹灰之力，只要接受deeksha（“迪克夏”/“能量傳導”/“合一祝福”）就可以啦！正合我不想費力就開悟解脫的心意啊！而且，還有科學研究的支持呢，deeksha可以改變人類腦部結構（就是那個克裏斯蒂安. 歐佩茨離開合一運動前的報告）！那不花那麼多錢可不可以啊？ 我怕花太多錢的。結果——好！就在北京，就在思坤辦的合一瑜伽中心，就有deeksha。我要去！我會很快解脫了！要花錢嗎？要的，一次100元， 一個半小時左右。一次性辦個幾千到幾萬的儲值卡，還可以有不同程度的折扣。還好，我能接受（給朋友推薦，朋友說太貴了，一般瑜伽一次幾十塊錢可以了，我因 為從不參加這類東西，沒有概念）。第一次，沒感覺。第二次，聞到奇香，感覺到“能量”。第三次，有淡淡的喜悅。之後因為忙，沒有參加了。期間，也看到蘭心博客上的“極其猛烈的deeksha”一文，做過三次那個巴關60大壽時的“意圖deeksha”，兩次沒感覺，一次流了淚。一句話，這期間對“能量”這個東西似乎有些感覺，也有點癡迷於能量的經驗，覺得這可能就是某種所謂的“體悟”。
然後，有一天突然覺得中文的巴關或阿瑪的原話的東西太少了，想看看英文的也許會多些，到合一大學的網站上找也非常有限，就用Google 和Yahoo搜，還是沒有太多，但看到了這個Timothy Conway編輯的有關文章匯編。讀過之後，首先是震驚——原來還有與我聽到的故事如此不同的故事版本！原來這個自稱是神的巴關不過是俗人一個！一種受騙的感覺。然後是有分享的沖動。就這樣，開了博客，翻譯了兩篇前合一內部“高層”的揭露文章。為了讓更多人看到，到思坤、闞笑波博士和瘋兔子的博客上留了言。在思坤處的前2次留言被刪了。闞博士處的前2次留言也被刪了。後來繼續堅持留，沒有被刪，還有了回應。